As of 4/12/05, They just keep on comin'

Name: Seepage V. Avocado
Subject: Geertings, white man! :)

Mr. or Ms. Avocado thinks I am a white man - am I? What if I didn't know? I might have no mirrors in my dwelling. I might be devastated. I don't think greetings is spelled that way. Is he/she trying to fool my spam filter into accepting a draft notice. I got one of those during the Vietnam era. It started with "Greetings ....." I guess the smiley face is supposed to soothe my apprehension.

Name: Poona H. Undisguised
Subject: Re: Unique eobok on how to seduce a girl

Why does someone assume I need that? What if I was a gay male? Would I be offended more than I am? Now, if it said how to seduce two or three girls at the same time . . . well, I could use some instruction there. Also, they are "women," girls is a derogatory term.

Name: Theology D. Carped
Subject: FW:Sreect book on wemons pleasure map

Wow. This writer invoked the "FW" on this subject line. There's an attention getter. I also would want to know what a Sreect book was. I didn't know wemons came with a pleasure map. Did you? Maybe I need this book after all.

Name: Lorena Nadeau
Subject: re[11]

I included this because it is the 11th email. I still don't remember the other 10!

Name: Detracted H. Guardhouse
Subject: Britney Spears Caught Nude on Pics

A subject line I can finally understand. Gee, Britney... I will have to open this and see if she takes off her headset, too. Then she'd be "Totally Nude." I wonder what the middle initial "H" stands for in the sender's name - could it be "Haunting?"

Name: Quotable F. Simpered
Subject: Bjonour

Obviously, the sender wants me to think he/she is French. Now, why would he/she misspell Bonjour? I know, this idiot just can't spell!

Name:Brickbat F. Bunions
Subject: FW: Britney Nude on Paparazzi Pohtos

Britney again. Be still, my heart. Why spell photos incorrectly? I don't think that spam filters would pick that up as families must send out Pohtos. I think ol' Brickbat must just be illiterate.

Name: Soporifics O. Uniformest
Subject: FW: new Xanax, Valium avaible

Believe it or not, the name could actually be words. Soporific means hypnotic and is a noun. I do think that it would be "More Uniform," rather than Uniformest. I would also think that Xanax would get caught in a spam filter. And "avaible," just proves the imbecile can't spell. Didn't his mommy tell him that the first impression may be the only impression?

Name: Luce Heard
Subject: Re: VALIUM CiAllis Wiagra

Stupid misplaced capital letters, crappy spelling, I don't even know a spam filter that would be fooled by this. Are there filters for poor taste, or just plain stupidity?

Name: DME2090
Subject: FROM THE DESK OF:Dr. Themba Maleke

Gosh, there's a name that inspires confidence. Is anyone falling for these scams, in the year of our Lord 2005? This is one of the oldest scams in the book. I don't even have to open it to know that.

Name: Glacial O. Precognition
Subject: FW: Top Sreect book on how to seduce a girl

Did someone tell these individuals I can't get a woman? What gives? It's like getting cologne from each and all of your friends. Should you surmise you have an offensive odor? I guess the same people think I need Wiagra (above). Maybe then I can seduce a girl (woman)?

Spam sucks! Ban Spam! If you have any, post a few. Save 'em up. Trade them with your friends. We all need a good laugh at the expense of the cretins who send this garbage.